New location... same hatred

365reasonswhyihatetrendypeople.tumblr.com

Jean jackets for all!

Why I hate trendy people Reason #21: They get away with wearing clothes from the 90s.

It's completely unfair. I tried to bring back the 90s ages ago. And what did I get? Glares. Very uncomfortable giggles and just overall judgement. Then what do I see? A clearly trendy girl rockin the Blossom look; patterned floral dress, jean jacket and some raybans. What! This was my decade to bring back. I was going to single-handedly bring back the grunginess, the jean jackets, the over-all fuck you corporate America of the best part of the 90s. Sadly, I was too late. I thought it was too early to try to bring the 90s back, I guess I was clearly mistaken.

Now it's the trendy kids who have made it ok to wear ripped jeans, flannel, and converse all over again. I feel too ashamed to engage. My dream slobster uniform has been commandeered and I am relegated to wearing shoes without holes. I curse the hipsters who took the 90s from me. Wearing the Jem T-shirts, and the names of bands they weren't even old enough to listen to until just now. This was my childhood. And now they are displaying it across their chest for all the world to see.

If any one of them dares to wear a Breaker High T-shirt. They are going down. So enjoy your floral prints now hipsters. It's only a matter of time before it becomes too commercialized and the golden age of the 90s is cast aside like every decade before it.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

I'm mellllltinggggg

Why I hate trendy people Reason #20: Terrible hygiene.

I think it's time for hipsters to finally admit it. They hate to shower just as much as hippies. How many times have I walked into a restaurant sniffed around and assumed I'd see some peace loving, flowy clothes rocking, patchouli heads and instead had my eyes affronted by American Apparel and side swept bangs? I understand that grungy is back in again. But there is a limit. If you are going to not shower, shouldn't you at least be a little bit ashamed? There are people around you on the subway, PLEASE refrain from lifting your arms! I could understand if hipsters were all about the natural lifestyle like aforementioned tree huggers, however, their culture is all about consumption, attention to detail, and many many articles of clothing. Shouldn't attention to hygiene go along with that?

I'm putting my foot down hipsters. If you want to comb your hair across your face, wash it. I don't want to see your oily bangs clinging to your forehead for dear life as you ironically wear your mom's blouse from the mid-90s. One ugly thing at a time people. So trendy kids, if you want to be cool it seems you must forgo the daily rinse, and show off the luscious oil. Slobs, let's take back our God given right to be dirty. Make those trendsters shower. Maybe we'll get lucky, maybe the water will melt them, then coolness will forever be eradicated.

You still got it

Taking a break from my harsh treatment of Manhattan's elite, I'd like to dedicate this post to the elderly. I'm not talking about bent over, ornery, grouchy, old people. I mean those old people who think they're still "hip" enough to use facebook. While there are many elements of facebook that should be dissected in this blog, I'm going to just say, old people. Get off facebook. "Facebook is a social utility that helps people communicate ...". Well someone clearly never taught these old people what communication means. Communication is a two way street, it means engaging with other people, not just posting statuses about everything you think and feel. I'm tired of having my home page littered with old people commenting on the weather, their parents surgeries, and their kids achievements. I'm not trying to sound insensitive, although that is completely how this is coming across, I'm simply saying that facebook is not the venue for you. If your profile picture has ever been a picture of your kids, if you are filling up your own profile with your status updates, I have a solution for you. It's called Twitter. So go on old folks, explore and enjoy the technological age, as long as you can figure it out without your kids help that is. Go on, find your niche, find your twitter. It also for works for self-centered people who only want to see people respond to their own thoughts, right John Mayer? Or if you fall under that category, you could always just make your own blog...

2 hipsters are better than 1

In honor of last weekend, and Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share reasons number 18 & 19 of Why I Hate Trendy People: They find obnoxiously trendy partners and they're in a cult. No joke.

Standing in a coffee shop alone on Valentine's Day is just dangerous territory. However, caffeine was necessary. In this said coffee shop every table was littered with trendy people of all sorts. Ordering "food", or at least what passes as food for rabbits, and staring into each others equally, shallow eyes. It's not the couples that I have a problem with, power to them for finding someone interested in the same things/clothing choices, but the issue is more with the encouragement they give each other to dress in ridiculous outfits. It was 30 degrees outside, a sun hat is just not appropriate. She was a perfect example of all the clothing choices that grind my gears. The complete disregard for weather, the ugly 1800s boots, and was using her expensive, digital single lens reflex camera to take artsy pictures of the side of her boyfriends face. I stopped dead in my tracks, I honestly didn't have anything to say. Luckily the servers at the cafe bumped into me to shake me out of my shock and disgust. For some reason the waiters at the cafe continuously bumped into me and my friend, keep in mind we were tastefully dressed in heavy coats, while avoiding the trendy people at all costs. It seemed as though wherever I stood, I was in the way. Whether it was next to the counter, or next to the door, or somewhere in between. Whenever I moved, so did the apparently "open" window of space. I saw no such window. However there was about a foot wide gap between the trendy people. But of course that wasn't noticed. Which leads me to believe...

Trendy people are in a cult.

Perhaps its subliminal, and they are given secret messages through the designer fashion shows and tool-ish "indie" bands they listen to... But they always know each other and do favors for each other. The trendy waiters gave me no such special privileges, but the other hipsters were given quite superior service. I should sue...

They all find a way to unite. You see one group of trendy people in the dining hall, next thing you know, they've merged and created a super group of mind numbingly obnoxious self-appointed know-it-alls. So watch your back, don't double cross a trendy person. They'll send their mob to get you... look out for flying monolos.

True Life: I live in New York

The following quotes are just a few more reasons I hate trendy people,

Reason # 15: (The following was a conversation I heard between two students before one of my classes.

"Yeah... I usually go to the Hamptons on the weekends."

"I like not having friday classes also, because everyone goes hard on thursdays at Rutgers."

Translation: "I'm extremely wealthy, so I spend every weekend, even though it's winter, on the beach."

" I fooled you by wearing these extremely expensive boots and carrying a chanel purse, I am trashy."

No offense to Rutgers... but really? Rutgers?

Reason # 16: They've become so fucking stereotypical. (More at a later date, but for now, just a quote)

"I'm studying gender and queer studies, with an emphasis on women in the post-colonial Caribbean."

(I'm sorry. I fail to see the connection between all these things. Is it just that they all make you sound pretentious?)

Reason #17: Just. SO much stupidity. Can't. Even. Joke.

Teacher: "So let's go around and say why we took this class about the history of the Caribbean and its exploitation." (You might be asking yourself, why this sounds like the douche-iest class ever! Is it really as pretentious as it sounds? Yes is the answer, yes. It is.)

The majority of people go around and say something along the lines of having family there, studying the area as a part of a history major, then there were these 2 instances:

Situation 1:

Student from L.A.: "Well I was really hoping to go to the Caribbean this summer, so like, I just like, wanted to like know more before I went!"

Teacher: "Oh where are you going?" (probably figuring like Haiti, you know because of that whole HUGE disaster thing, or maybe because her family's from there, like everyone else in the class...)

Student: "Probably Bahamas or maybe Jamaica!"

(Everyone is quiet. We spend the next hour destroying the idea of tourism in the caribbean. Have a great summer girlie!)

Situation 2:

Male student dressed in tight jeans, an "ironic" backwards hat, and lots of make up. "Yeah so, I'm in this class because I'm from Puerto Rico, and I'm a film major, and I'm writing a screenplay about a young guy who comes to America from Puerto Rico and sort of his post-colonial dreams."

1. What the fuck is all this talk about post-colonial?
2. Someone writing a screenplay. How original.
3. Trendy people always assume that if they write something about their lives, people will want to read it... not so true

Just a few more reasons why trendy people are so darn great. So proud of my classmates. Not.

Horchata whata?

Not exactly a reason I hate trendy people, just a comment on trendy people #14: Vampire Weekend is the quintessential trendy band of which all others aspire to be

1. They clearly tapped into the whole twilight-esque vibe
2. They're ivy league educated
3. They wear funny hats AND the occasional pretentious glasses
4. Their album cover looks like a polaroid picture
5. They have a song named after an uncommon grammatical dilemma
6. They have a song named after an exotic beverage
7. They name drop masada in a song
8. They reference congolese soukous music as an influence...

Enough said.

19th Century Strikes Back

Why I hate trendy people Reason #13: This new throwback style is ridiculous.

Lately, on the streets of New York there's been a new hybrid of styles. There's been the hipster clothing, but the mustaches and hairstyles have been a direct copy of the 19th century. In my building, I've seen the civil war general mustache, the Prince Albert side-burn/beard/overly fluffy mustache combination, and even the Abe Lincoln classic beard.

For the girls, I've seen the ridiculous up-dos, with braids and pins and poofy hair. These coifs take serious time and are just not practical for the rain, snow, wind, and pretty much 90% of the weather that's coming in this season.

Plus, there's the ugly shoes that are making their way to trendy feet all over the city. They're unisex, involve a lot of hooks, and wearing anything less than skin tight bottoms is just completely impractical with them. It used to be only weird math teachers who wore those flowy skirts with ugly make up that would wear such atrocious shoes. Now, it's hipsters all over the country who are embracing the new look.

What I wonder is, what's next? How far will the Jane Austen throwback go? I can't wait until the trousers come back in style, maybe next we'll see the petticoats being brought back. Maybe Chanel will design a line of bodices and camisoles? Short pants for all? I won't mind, ringlets make me look cool.

DOGS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

Why I hate trendy people Reason #12: They use puppies as accessories.

Now, this is not just trendy people, but also that subset of trendy people, the people who were trendy, but haven't quite grasped that they're on their way out... Puppies have been used as accessories for ages. It used to be those little mini-pups that you can stick in your purse, then it has transitioned to something to follow you around and give you unconditional love. Which, as we know and can see the psychological reasons for, trendy people adore.

I for one am tired of seeing dogs subjected to the trends. Please. Do not. Dress. Your. Dogs. I understand perhaps a sweater if they have a thin coat of fur, and it's snowing. But, the american apparel style dog clothing? Your dog does not need a $20 hoodie, and it especially doesn't need a zipper. IT DOESN'T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!

American apparel makes several different options for your hipster pooch, for your trendogg. The t-shirts come in almost every color combination, just as shirts for people do. And of course, of course the t-shirts come in organic cotton. Just in case you are really THAT pretentious.

(Pet clothing can be found under accessories... told you so)

Why I hate trendy people Reason #11: They do everything for the camera.

Returning to school, catching up with people, meeting new people, of course you're going to check out their facebooks. And what do you find? Stupid, trendy people in outfits/positions/places they are clearly only at because they want the pictures. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe you were just casually lounging across the grass in that cocktail dress. It's not as if someone invaded your privacy in the back yard while you were casually reading a faded copy Catcher in the Rye while in your heels and dresses. Come on, we all know it's all for the picture.

And let's go one step further. That picture quality? It's a setting on iphoto, and it's called antique, I can do it too. No one thinks you actually took a picture with a disposable camera and it came out that good. Whenever I used to take pictures of my disposable you always get a bit of someone else's head when you don't mean to. So, you're not any more artsy for knowing how to do so. But congratulations, you look reallll cool.

East Coast/West Coast Hipstas

Why I hate trendy people Reason #10: They still adhere to the east coast/ west coast rivalry.

As a west coaster transplanted to the east coast, it's hard to pick a side in the battle of the coasts. But I do have to give a shoutout to my west coast trendy people. At least they own up to it. Even though you could say that L.A. is one of the style capitals of the world, it's so clearly aware of it's own wealth. I'm tired of all these east coast hipsters pretending they don't have trust funds and fancy cars waiting for them when they graduate. At least my west coast trendy people are obvious about their wealth. While hipsters on the east coast attempt to blend in the with hobo elite by wearing "their dads'" old flannels (please, we all know that your dads only wear lacoste polos and immaculately pressed khakis) west coast hipsters are rocking their labels loud and proud.

Dear east coasters, you're not hiding anything by covering up your hunter rain boots. We all know how much you paid unnecessarily for those rubber shoes that could be purchased for at the most, $50 less. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is clearly a feud between the coasts still going on. However, I will throw my east coasters a bone, they are just trendier. I'm still seeing Ed Hardy on the west coast. Come on. When will you catch on? That brand is reserved strictly for slutty, rich soccer moms. Hello Real Housewives of Orange County... Maybe now that it's being actively promoted on Jersey Shore, the west coasters will realize it is JUST NOT COOL. Never did I think there could be a trashier version of a tattoo, until Ed Hardy came along and proved, you can wear a tattoo without having the balls to actually get one! Thank you Ed Hardy, for letting "trendy" people get tattoos without having to go through the pain or dedication of actually inking their skin. The cheesy dice, skull and all around vegas type themes will now live on in the overpriced, cotton wardrobes of "cool moms" all around the united states.

I do not come to spread the feud, I'm quoting from my man Dre, when I advise all the trendy people haters to unite. "I don't give a fuck where you from I'ma Killa Hill-er", now in that sprit, let's get "crews on both sides together". Unite slobs of the world, our time has come.

Hometown Pride, suck it trendy people.

(Disclaimer: Not that anyone truly cares, but I have been unable to update to the absence of trendy people in my current location, hence the following topic...)

Why I hate trendy people Reason #9: They are too damn picky.

I have always been of the school of thought that one is required to eat what is on your plate. I feel as though this has applied to my life. Eat what is put in front of you, deal with what you are given. However, I feel as though trendy people do not embrace this set of ideals. There are many directions I could explore with this discovery, however the most frustrating and recent encounter I have had with this attitude has been in terms of location. Trendy people are too damn picky when it comes to picking where to live. I have nestled away in a fortress free of trendy people. I am back in my haven of Northern Californian suburbia far away from any sort of trends and I am perfectly at ease. I have had no bombastic rants to start, no frustrating clothing choices to critique, and no stupid accessories to mock. While this makes me sublimely happy, it also makes me mad.

Trendy people, you are too damn picky! Perhaps you would be frustrated by the lack of diversity? Well, here in my city, being white is the minority, does that sound like diversity to you poor looking, but secretly rich, hipsters? We have hobos, we have gangs, we have ethnic food. What is so wrong with our city? Maybe if you opened your eyes, you'd realize that there are more than 2 cities in this great nation, and that there is beauty in the suburban lifestyle. Maybe if you weren't so picky, you would actually TRY the poor, rejected broccoli-city of San Jose that is on your plate, you'd realize that there is no need to shun us, and there is much to embrace in our world.

On second thought, we don't want you. It is a beautiful sunny day, and I can walk down the street and be greeted by people in only three piece outfits, shirt, jeans, sweatshirt. Oh, and tennis shoes. And to be greeted! No more trendy people casting judgement at my outfit and looking in the space above my head, which granted there is a lot of, instead of just saying a simple hello when we are the only ones on the street! It is so nice to finally be in a place where guys can wear just a t-shirt and jeans and there is no necessity for him to style himself any further. No "androgynous" (feminine) bracelets, no ridiculous hats. I am proud to be from a city of a million people where there is not one trendy person. Thank you hometown!