You still got it

Taking a break from my harsh treatment of Manhattan's elite, I'd like to dedicate this post to the elderly. I'm not talking about bent over, ornery, grouchy, old people. I mean those old people who think they're still "hip" enough to use facebook. While there are many elements of facebook that should be dissected in this blog, I'm going to just say, old people. Get off facebook. "Facebook is a social utility that helps people communicate ...". Well someone clearly never taught these old people what communication means. Communication is a two way street, it means engaging with other people, not just posting statuses about everything you think and feel. I'm tired of having my home page littered with old people commenting on the weather, their parents surgeries, and their kids achievements. I'm not trying to sound insensitive, although that is completely how this is coming across, I'm simply saying that facebook is not the venue for you. If your profile picture has ever been a picture of your kids, if you are filling up your own profile with your status updates, I have a solution for you. It's called Twitter. So go on old folks, explore and enjoy the technological age, as long as you can figure it out without your kids help that is. Go on, find your niche, find your twitter. It also for works for self-centered people who only want to see people respond to their own thoughts, right John Mayer? Or if you fall under that category, you could always just make your own blog...

2 hipsters are better than 1

In honor of last weekend, and Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share reasons number 18 & 19 of Why I Hate Trendy People: They find obnoxiously trendy partners and they're in a cult. No joke.

Standing in a coffee shop alone on Valentine's Day is just dangerous territory. However, caffeine was necessary. In this said coffee shop every table was littered with trendy people of all sorts. Ordering "food", or at least what passes as food for rabbits, and staring into each others equally, shallow eyes. It's not the couples that I have a problem with, power to them for finding someone interested in the same things/clothing choices, but the issue is more with the encouragement they give each other to dress in ridiculous outfits. It was 30 degrees outside, a sun hat is just not appropriate. She was a perfect example of all the clothing choices that grind my gears. The complete disregard for weather, the ugly 1800s boots, and was using her expensive, digital single lens reflex camera to take artsy pictures of the side of her boyfriends face. I stopped dead in my tracks, I honestly didn't have anything to say. Luckily the servers at the cafe bumped into me to shake me out of my shock and disgust. For some reason the waiters at the cafe continuously bumped into me and my friend, keep in mind we were tastefully dressed in heavy coats, while avoiding the trendy people at all costs. It seemed as though wherever I stood, I was in the way. Whether it was next to the counter, or next to the door, or somewhere in between. Whenever I moved, so did the apparently "open" window of space. I saw no such window. However there was about a foot wide gap between the trendy people. But of course that wasn't noticed. Which leads me to believe...

Trendy people are in a cult.

Perhaps its subliminal, and they are given secret messages through the designer fashion shows and tool-ish "indie" bands they listen to... But they always know each other and do favors for each other. The trendy waiters gave me no such special privileges, but the other hipsters were given quite superior service. I should sue...

They all find a way to unite. You see one group of trendy people in the dining hall, next thing you know, they've merged and created a super group of mind numbingly obnoxious self-appointed know-it-alls. So watch your back, don't double cross a trendy person. They'll send their mob to get you... look out for flying monolos.

True Life: I live in New York

The following quotes are just a few more reasons I hate trendy people,

Reason # 15: (The following was a conversation I heard between two students before one of my classes.

"Yeah... I usually go to the Hamptons on the weekends."

"I like not having friday classes also, because everyone goes hard on thursdays at Rutgers."

Translation: "I'm extremely wealthy, so I spend every weekend, even though it's winter, on the beach."

" I fooled you by wearing these extremely expensive boots and carrying a chanel purse, I am trashy."

No offense to Rutgers... but really? Rutgers?

Reason # 16: They've become so fucking stereotypical. (More at a later date, but for now, just a quote)

"I'm studying gender and queer studies, with an emphasis on women in the post-colonial Caribbean."

(I'm sorry. I fail to see the connection between all these things. Is it just that they all make you sound pretentious?)

Reason #17: Just. SO much stupidity. Can't. Even. Joke.

Teacher: "So let's go around and say why we took this class about the history of the Caribbean and its exploitation." (You might be asking yourself, why this sounds like the douche-iest class ever! Is it really as pretentious as it sounds? Yes is the answer, yes. It is.)

The majority of people go around and say something along the lines of having family there, studying the area as a part of a history major, then there were these 2 instances:

Situation 1:

Student from L.A.: "Well I was really hoping to go to the Caribbean this summer, so like, I just like, wanted to like know more before I went!"

Teacher: "Oh where are you going?" (probably figuring like Haiti, you know because of that whole HUGE disaster thing, or maybe because her family's from there, like everyone else in the class...)

Student: "Probably Bahamas or maybe Jamaica!"

(Everyone is quiet. We spend the next hour destroying the idea of tourism in the caribbean. Have a great summer girlie!)

Situation 2:

Male student dressed in tight jeans, an "ironic" backwards hat, and lots of make up. "Yeah so, I'm in this class because I'm from Puerto Rico, and I'm a film major, and I'm writing a screenplay about a young guy who comes to America from Puerto Rico and sort of his post-colonial dreams."

1. What the fuck is all this talk about post-colonial?
2. Someone writing a screenplay. How original.
3. Trendy people always assume that if they write something about their lives, people will want to read it... not so true

Just a few more reasons why trendy people are so darn great. So proud of my classmates. Not.