Jean jackets for all!

Why I hate trendy people Reason #21: They get away with wearing clothes from the 90s.

It's completely unfair. I tried to bring back the 90s ages ago. And what did I get? Glares. Very uncomfortable giggles and just overall judgement. Then what do I see? A clearly trendy girl rockin the Blossom look; patterned floral dress, jean jacket and some raybans. What! This was my decade to bring back. I was going to single-handedly bring back the grunginess, the jean jackets, the over-all fuck you corporate America of the best part of the 90s. Sadly, I was too late. I thought it was too early to try to bring the 90s back, I guess I was clearly mistaken.

Now it's the trendy kids who have made it ok to wear ripped jeans, flannel, and converse all over again. I feel too ashamed to engage. My dream slobster uniform has been commandeered and I am relegated to wearing shoes without holes. I curse the hipsters who took the 90s from me. Wearing the Jem T-shirts, and the names of bands they weren't even old enough to listen to until just now. This was my childhood. And now they are displaying it across their chest for all the world to see.

If any one of them dares to wear a Breaker High T-shirt. They are going down. So enjoy your floral prints now hipsters. It's only a matter of time before it becomes too commercialized and the golden age of the 90s is cast aside like every decade before it.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

I'm mellllltinggggg

Why I hate trendy people Reason #20: Terrible hygiene.

I think it's time for hipsters to finally admit it. They hate to shower just as much as hippies. How many times have I walked into a restaurant sniffed around and assumed I'd see some peace loving, flowy clothes rocking, patchouli heads and instead had my eyes affronted by American Apparel and side swept bangs? I understand that grungy is back in again. But there is a limit. If you are going to not shower, shouldn't you at least be a little bit ashamed? There are people around you on the subway, PLEASE refrain from lifting your arms! I could understand if hipsters were all about the natural lifestyle like aforementioned tree huggers, however, their culture is all about consumption, attention to detail, and many many articles of clothing. Shouldn't attention to hygiene go along with that?

I'm putting my foot down hipsters. If you want to comb your hair across your face, wash it. I don't want to see your oily bangs clinging to your forehead for dear life as you ironically wear your mom's blouse from the mid-90s. One ugly thing at a time people. So trendy kids, if you want to be cool it seems you must forgo the daily rinse, and show off the luscious oil. Slobs, let's take back our God given right to be dirty. Make those trendsters shower. Maybe we'll get lucky, maybe the water will melt them, then coolness will forever be eradicated.