Horchata whata?

Not exactly a reason I hate trendy people, just a comment on trendy people #14: Vampire Weekend is the quintessential trendy band of which all others aspire to be

1. They clearly tapped into the whole twilight-esque vibe
2. They're ivy league educated
3. They wear funny hats AND the occasional pretentious glasses
4. Their album cover looks like a polaroid picture
5. They have a song named after an uncommon grammatical dilemma
6. They have a song named after an exotic beverage
7. They name drop masada in a song
8. They reference congolese soukous music as an influence...

Enough said.

19th Century Strikes Back

Why I hate trendy people Reason #13: This new throwback style is ridiculous.

Lately, on the streets of New York there's been a new hybrid of styles. There's been the hipster clothing, but the mustaches and hairstyles have been a direct copy of the 19th century. In my building, I've seen the civil war general mustache, the Prince Albert side-burn/beard/overly fluffy mustache combination, and even the Abe Lincoln classic beard.

For the girls, I've seen the ridiculous up-dos, with braids and pins and poofy hair. These coifs take serious time and are just not practical for the rain, snow, wind, and pretty much 90% of the weather that's coming in this season.

Plus, there's the ugly shoes that are making their way to trendy feet all over the city. They're unisex, involve a lot of hooks, and wearing anything less than skin tight bottoms is just completely impractical with them. It used to be only weird math teachers who wore those flowy skirts with ugly make up that would wear such atrocious shoes. Now, it's hipsters all over the country who are embracing the new look.

What I wonder is, what's next? How far will the Jane Austen throwback go? I can't wait until the trousers come back in style, maybe next we'll see the petticoats being brought back. Maybe Chanel will design a line of bodices and camisoles? Short pants for all? I won't mind, ringlets make me look cool.

DOGS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

Why I hate trendy people Reason #12: They use puppies as accessories.

Now, this is not just trendy people, but also that subset of trendy people, the people who were trendy, but haven't quite grasped that they're on their way out... Puppies have been used as accessories for ages. It used to be those little mini-pups that you can stick in your purse, then it has transitioned to something to follow you around and give you unconditional love. Which, as we know and can see the psychological reasons for, trendy people adore.

I for one am tired of seeing dogs subjected to the trends. Please. Do not. Dress. Your. Dogs. I understand perhaps a sweater if they have a thin coat of fur, and it's snowing. But, the american apparel style dog clothing? Your dog does not need a $20 hoodie, and it especially doesn't need a zipper. IT DOESN'T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!

American apparel makes several different options for your hipster pooch, for your trendogg. The t-shirts come in almost every color combination, just as shirts for people do. And of course, of course the t-shirts come in organic cotton. Just in case you are really THAT pretentious.

(Pet clothing can be found under accessories... told you so)

Why I hate trendy people Reason #11: They do everything for the camera.

Returning to school, catching up with people, meeting new people, of course you're going to check out their facebooks. And what do you find? Stupid, trendy people in outfits/positions/places they are clearly only at because they want the pictures. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe you were just casually lounging across the grass in that cocktail dress. It's not as if someone invaded your privacy in the back yard while you were casually reading a faded copy Catcher in the Rye while in your heels and dresses. Come on, we all know it's all for the picture.

And let's go one step further. That picture quality? It's a setting on iphoto, and it's called antique, I can do it too. No one thinks you actually took a picture with a disposable camera and it came out that good. Whenever I used to take pictures of my disposable you always get a bit of someone else's head when you don't mean to. So, you're not any more artsy for knowing how to do so. But congratulations, you look reallll cool.

East Coast/West Coast Hipstas

Why I hate trendy people Reason #10: They still adhere to the east coast/ west coast rivalry.

As a west coaster transplanted to the east coast, it's hard to pick a side in the battle of the coasts. But I do have to give a shoutout to my west coast trendy people. At least they own up to it. Even though you could say that L.A. is one of the style capitals of the world, it's so clearly aware of it's own wealth. I'm tired of all these east coast hipsters pretending they don't have trust funds and fancy cars waiting for them when they graduate. At least my west coast trendy people are obvious about their wealth. While hipsters on the east coast attempt to blend in the with hobo elite by wearing "their dads'" old flannels (please, we all know that your dads only wear lacoste polos and immaculately pressed khakis) west coast hipsters are rocking their labels loud and proud.

Dear east coasters, you're not hiding anything by covering up your hunter rain boots. We all know how much you paid unnecessarily for those rubber shoes that could be purchased for at the most, $50 less. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is clearly a feud between the coasts still going on. However, I will throw my east coasters a bone, they are just trendier. I'm still seeing Ed Hardy on the west coast. Come on. When will you catch on? That brand is reserved strictly for slutty, rich soccer moms. Hello Real Housewives of Orange County... Maybe now that it's being actively promoted on Jersey Shore, the west coasters will realize it is JUST NOT COOL. Never did I think there could be a trashier version of a tattoo, until Ed Hardy came along and proved, you can wear a tattoo without having the balls to actually get one! Thank you Ed Hardy, for letting "trendy" people get tattoos without having to go through the pain or dedication of actually inking their skin. The cheesy dice, skull and all around vegas type themes will now live on in the overpriced, cotton wardrobes of "cool moms" all around the united states.

I do not come to spread the feud, I'm quoting from my man Dre, when I advise all the trendy people haters to unite. "I don't give a fuck where you from I'ma Killa Hill-er", now in that sprit, let's get "crews on both sides together". Unite slobs of the world, our time has come.

Hometown Pride, suck it trendy people.

(Disclaimer: Not that anyone truly cares, but I have been unable to update to the absence of trendy people in my current location, hence the following topic...)

Why I hate trendy people Reason #9: They are too damn picky.

I have always been of the school of thought that one is required to eat what is on your plate. I feel as though this has applied to my life. Eat what is put in front of you, deal with what you are given. However, I feel as though trendy people do not embrace this set of ideals. There are many directions I could explore with this discovery, however the most frustrating and recent encounter I have had with this attitude has been in terms of location. Trendy people are too damn picky when it comes to picking where to live. I have nestled away in a fortress free of trendy people. I am back in my haven of Northern Californian suburbia far away from any sort of trends and I am perfectly at ease. I have had no bombastic rants to start, no frustrating clothing choices to critique, and no stupid accessories to mock. While this makes me sublimely happy, it also makes me mad.

Trendy people, you are too damn picky! Perhaps you would be frustrated by the lack of diversity? Well, here in my city, being white is the minority, does that sound like diversity to you poor looking, but secretly rich, hipsters? We have hobos, we have gangs, we have ethnic food. What is so wrong with our city? Maybe if you opened your eyes, you'd realize that there are more than 2 cities in this great nation, and that there is beauty in the suburban lifestyle. Maybe if you weren't so picky, you would actually TRY the poor, rejected broccoli-city of San Jose that is on your plate, you'd realize that there is no need to shun us, and there is much to embrace in our world.

On second thought, we don't want you. It is a beautiful sunny day, and I can walk down the street and be greeted by people in only three piece outfits, shirt, jeans, sweatshirt. Oh, and tennis shoes. And to be greeted! No more trendy people casting judgement at my outfit and looking in the space above my head, which granted there is a lot of, instead of just saying a simple hello when we are the only ones on the street! It is so nice to finally be in a place where guys can wear just a t-shirt and jeans and there is no necessity for him to style himself any further. No "androgynous" (feminine) bracelets, no ridiculous hats. I am proud to be from a city of a million people where there is not one trendy person. Thank you hometown!